


Let My Heart Be Hardened

by t0bemadeofglass



Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Drabble, Feels, M/M, Prince of Egypt inspired, Slight Canon Divergence, Thor Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-12
Updated: 2013-11-12
Packaged: 2018-01-01 07:40:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1042164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t0bemadeofglass/pseuds/t0bemadeofglass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Thor paced slowly in Frigga’s chambers, one hand moving to sweep aside his hair, his racing mind making it difficult to slow his breathing.  He didn’t think his heart had stopped pounding furiously against his chest since he’d seen Loki brought to Odin, chained like some rabid dog led to be put down, and had to abandon his place at his mother’s side before he acted out."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let My Heart Be Hardened

**Author's Note:**

> No real Thor 2 spoilers here, folks, unless you literally have no idea what the movie is about then maybe. Either way--slight divergence from canon because this is how I wished we would've been able to see what happened. Personally, of course. Enjoy! Thanks for reading!

Thor paced slowly in Frigga’s chambers, one hand moving to sweep aside his hair, his racing mind making it difficult to slow his breathing.  He didn’t think his heart had stopped pounding furiously against his chest since he’d seen Loki brought to Odin, chained like some rabid dog led to be put down, and had to abandon his place at his mother’s side before he acted out.  He had a feeling she might join him soon, sure that Odin wanted to speak with his brother alone.  His brother.  No matter what Loki said, what insults he threw at Thor, what terrible devastation he brought upon the realms or himself he would always be his brother.  _‘_ _Why can’t you see that, you great fool?_ _’_  he wondered, not for the first time.  

The sentiment had been gnawing at his chest cavity since having gone to Midgard to track him down.  For all his brother’s intelligence, for all his tricks and his schemes and clever words, he was a great fool.  Could he not see the hurt he brought upon them, not just on Midgard but on their mother?  Thor had never seen his mother tremble so, though she did her best to shield it from her sons.  Odin, for all his talk of being a fixed, uncompromisable point, was more irritable than ever.  While those who did not know him as Thor had might have thought it was stress, the pain and love and betrayal shone as brightly as the Bifrost’s beams whenever Loki was brought up.  And Thor?  A pang wracked his body as he stopped in his place, hands fisting as it consumed him until he was nothing but a raw ache.  Yes, Thor was in pain, too.  Was that much not apparent to Loki?  Was he so blinded by a need for revenge and unfounded hate that he could not see how much they loved him?

 _‘How could you have come to hate me so?_ _’_  He wondered, looking up, as though he might find the answers in the golden, high-vaulted ceiling, as though the Norns could come down from it and tell him what to do to fix this problem, how to make his brother understand.  

If only it were so.  For all his own prayers, his own begging to be made enlightened, for the truth, for a sign or anything, all he got was silence.  

\--

For the first few hours Loki was alone in the dungeons, with nothing but the company of the guards to antagonize and even that got boring after awhile.  This was how he was to spend the rest of his life while Thor, brute, oaf, and imbecile that he was, was given everything?  And Odin thought this fair?  He’d have preferred the axe, the bastard.  But no, it wasn’t Odin he was most furious with, though he came to a second second.  It was Thor.  He’d done nothing, escaped before Loki’s trial even began.  Not a word had been raised in his behalf, not a single defense.  Where was the love and affection that Thor had claimed he had for Loki?  Where were those empty promises of family and affection, now?  His malice burned on his tongue and yet there were none to hear his hatred, none to expel his anger on.  So he let it burn his veins, let it fill him with fire until he, himself, was alight with the pain of it all.  The betrayal.  The hate that Thor must have felt for having left him.  His heart sputtered in his chest before hardening.   _‘_ _Let it be stone,’_  he prayed to the Norns though he was sure they had long since abandoned him (had they not ignored him so far?)  Let my chest be empty and my heart uncrackable.  Let me learn to survive on hate as I learned once how to get by with scraps of affection.  Let me be strong.  

_'Let me be as strong as Thor.'_

He snarled and threw one of the books Frigga had sent him into the walls, watched as it burned and fell to the ground.  

\--

“How is he?” Thor asked the moment his mother returned, his brow creased in distress at her expression, the heavy frown set on her mouth.

“He is exiled to the dungeons.”

“How long?”

“Without say.”

Thor swallowed side and Frigga leaned down to take his hands in her own, bringing the back of them to her mouth.  “I know.  I thought to fight for his side but your father ordered me to leave.  I waited until he was led away to return to you.”

“You are kind to bring me news, thank you.”  Thor said, though the words were hollow.  Frigga brought a hand to cup the side of his face, the lines etched around her eyes assuring him she knew.  She felt the same.  For a moment they shared the sorrow, basked in it as only a broken family could.  How had it come to be this way?  He felt as though his arm had been cut off.  What was Thor without Loki?  He’d scoured the universe for his brother, demanded news of him from Heimdall until the watcher was turning him away without having to say a word.  When Thor had heard Loki was on Midgard, hope had blossomed in his chest.

Now, filled with knowledge of his brother’s eternal imprisonment, that hope withered.  

Was this why the learned were so grim all the time?  Was it this knowledge, that all things, all hopes and wishes, would be proved wrong and die from lack of possibility?

 _‘No.’_   He refused to believe it.  His lips brushed against his mother’s forehead before he pulled away.  

“The All-Father wishes to see you.”

But he did not wish to see him.  

“He wishes you to go to Vanaheim, to protect those being pillaged by the pirates,” Frigga continued, watching her son’s shoulders stiffen, then sag, the fight leaving him in a slow exhale.  She crossed slowly over, brushing his hair out of his face as he turned to look at her once more.  “Do not carry the weight of this on you.  Your burden is so great already.”

But how could he not?  

“Did he say anything, anything for me, about me?” Thor asked, the words filling his mouth like cotton given to a soldier as his body was stitched together, choking him with their possibilities.  Frigga swallowed once then looked away and shook her head.  Thor nodded, feeling the weight of it all come crashing atop him once more, stronger than any blow from Dr. Banner’s second side.  What was it like to breathe freely?  He feared he would never know again.  “I will go to father, then.  I thank you, mother, as ever for your council.”  

_‘This was the last thing that I wanted.’_


End file.
